It's been back to work for me this week, and I feel the guilty mother for admitting that... I like it more than being a stay-at-home mom. *sigh*
I've said it since the spouse-unit went back to work right after Spice was born: that I thought working nine-to-five (or eleven-am-to-two-am, in our tech startup roles) was way easier than being ever-patient, spoon-full-of-sugar parent all day. One year later, and it's pretty much the same. Older baby with new tricks, but it's the same old workload for the same zero pay. Maybe it's the fact that at work I may actually get a "thanks for that" (if I'm lucky), while at home I tend to just get variations on screams. At work, I get a lunch break, bathroom breaks, moments to walk around and just stare into space to get my brain back in order, while at home, I'm lucky to get time to scarf a banana down on the run. Forget thinking.
I love Spice. In fact, I love our shiny new threesome family so much that we're thinking of the next one already. But while I'm ready to be fat and tired and have sleepless nights all over again, I'm not really ready for the lack of ME time that comes with it. I've been enjoying work this week so much. I came home this afternoon and volunteered to drive the babysitter home just so that I didn't have to spent active time with Spice at home while she went through the afternoon fussies. Popped her in the car seat, armed her with a few carrot sticks and a business card to play with, and just drove. *sigh* It was good, really. Then I had to come home, and now I'm spastic and twitching until the spouse-unit comes home and I get to hand her off to him to bathe her.
The less ME time I get away from her, the less patience I have with her -- and the less I'm capable of being genuinely joyful to be around her.
I tried getting time to myself before, but I think I went about it wrong. I would go to Starbuck's or something to work, or I would "treat" myself to getting my hair or nails done. But those were things that needed to be done anyway. No, I realized today while I was driving around that, gas-guzzling aside, that driving somewhere is calming to me, as is hanging out with friends without the baby, or just vegging and watching something, or working on something fun online. The last two are things I will still need to leave the house for, unless I can figure out to get the baby & spouse-unit out of the house. Sadly, if I try to do my own stuff at home while she's there, I just get sucked in, whether it's her actively crying to me, or just the spouse-unit asking for a diaper.
But I'm determined to get some space for myself. Somehow. The spouse-unit gets his at night when I've put her (and myself) to bed, either to catch up on work in the quiet, or watch a movie, or play PS3. He gets that when I go out with her on the weekends to run errands, etc., something that he almost never does. Yet. *wink* I'm nudging him to take up a toddler music class with her or something. Here's to ME time sleeping in on Saturday mornings! :-)
